Slimming down

Thank you all for your lovely messages and comments on my previous post. I guess listening to everybody's problems has made me a bit depressed and helpless. I can't help my family to overcome their problems, they have to do that themselves. I should just be there for them, listen to them and let them act and not feeling guilty that I can't make their problems go away. Because really nobody can.

So, I took a deep breath and assessed where I am. When I came back home in October last year after a year of travelling around Australia (everybody's dream, my nightmare), loosing my high paying job and loosing my beloved Hera, my loyal companion of nearly 17 years, I just wanted change, stability and routine. But it wasn't easy. The tenants left the house in a mess, the garden was a mess, I had a 'normal' job for the first time in over 7 years and it took some time to get used to it. And I had Janus, my new puppy by my side. So while I started work, puppy training, moving in, cleaning, gardening and creating a life, I overdid it and ended up with Pneumonia. For somebody like me who's never ever been really sick, it was a nightmare. I was on my own (well with a puppy but he was only there for my emotional health) and I've never felt so bad. I remember one night when I woke up coughing and vomiting blood again, I was laying on the toilet floor and couldn't get up. I was too exhausted. So I rested on the tiles of the bathroom floor with Janus by my side as I couldn't make it back into the bedroom. In the end I spent over 5 hours like this. Too weak to even take care of myself.

I never ever want to fell like that again! I asked too much of myself and I believe that's how I got sick. It was my body telling me to slow down. So, I reviewed my current situation:

• I love my husband. He sometimes annoys the hell out of me but I guess he will be annoyed with me too at times. We've been together for 17 years and he is the love of my life. I can count on him when I really have to and he does accept me just how I am - a strong (a often stubborn) independent woman.
• I love Janus! I love spending time with him, going hiking, training, doing dog sports... I really would love to invest a lot more time into him as we both would benefit. 
• I love my home!!! Every night I come home, I'm so excited to see my place. I love the house, the garden, what we made of the place and I know with all the work we're currently doing, we're making it easier for us which is good as we're both getting older. 
• I love my lifestyle. I'd like to have a bit more time to do EVERYTHING I want but sometimes I have to choose - craft or gardening or Janus or relaxing and doing nothing. I need to make sure I'm doing bits of everything during the week.
• Currently I'm happy with my job. It's a short commute, the people are caring, I'm good at what I do. Yes, I do find it a bit boring and the salary isn't great but we get by and for right now it's perfect.
• I love my family and my very few but very good friends. I will always be there for you, even if I can't help you!

So far so good hey? So what's not so good? 

• I'm trying to do too much. When I wake up Saturday morning and my list of things to do is so long that I'm already running behind despite it's not even 7 am yet, I'm doing it wrong. I will have to develop a better routine so I do have the time to do everything but not everything at once.
• I love cooking and baking and unfortunately I love eating just as much. I've lost 9 kg earlier this year and I managed to put 4 kg back on. I have sat down and identified my bad habits and am now working on eliminating those, loose these damn 4 kilos and then some.
• For the first 6 months of the year I have tracked my spending. I have budgeted and overspent and tweaked and now I'm at a point where I know exactly how much money I have and how much I can spend and for what. It's tight but I guess I have to get better at a few things and spend less or earn more.
• I want to be there for my family but I don't know what to do about their problems. It ways me down just as much as it does them. And it makes me feel guilty. Guilty that I'm so far away and not right there with them. Guilty that I'm happy and they're not.

So these are areas I need to slim down - tasks, eating, spending, family.

Now I just have to figure out how to do this...